I felt The Pain But

At 14 years old I became Aunty Julie for the first time.
It was so special. A tiny weeny little person to marvel at and see the world anew through.
Little Nicky was so special. He was a delightful, bright, lovable and very loving child. He was so much fun and full of joy.
That sweet child became a very troubled adult and for him and my family there have been years of pain, guilt, anger and worry; moments of hope when he looked as if he might be learning to live his life; trying to see the boy in the man and let him know that he was always loved.
He died this week. He was 36 years old.

I'm so proud of my family for never giving up on Nick.
And so, so sad.

.
Posted by Julie Thornton on Wednesday, May 13, 2015

this is one of the difficult areas in my thinking makes it very difficult to work out. Say when my loved one is alive i make one "mistake". My loved one dies before I could explain why i act the way I did.
Now tell me why? I have to suffer. Did I make my loved one suffer by my "mistake"? How do I know?

The reason I write this is; I was made to suffer for 3 decades about said "mistakes" I  made; by other near and dear. But one day  I realised  that i should give credit or responsibility to the one departed. but not take the credit to myself for actions in the past.

I do not forget that all actions of the past by me are written on diamond. But all I said  in words or emotions are written in sand on the sea shore. But i will always remember that: everything I have done in the past was the right thing to do at the right time to be able to write this at the right time.

This is from Unism. easy to follow religion of the amoeba.

BTW: bloody american shite tells me to correct realised to realized. Word comes French réaliser. 

Brrrr canadians sorry america